you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
