What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
