Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
