New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
