I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
