I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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