Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
