She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
