The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
