he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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