we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
