she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
