Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize