can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
