You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
