help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
