dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
