Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
