So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
