The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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