weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
