Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
