A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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