brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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