He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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