Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize