I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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