Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
