woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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