I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
