you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
