i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
