can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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