She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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