It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
