so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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