I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
