I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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