i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
