he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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