Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
