i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
