So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
