Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
