You smell like a Billy Joel song
Welp...herpes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
