it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
