So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
