Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
