sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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