I'm gonna have a badass scar
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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