so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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