Whats the glycemic index on semen?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
