Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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