she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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