Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
