I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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