whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
