You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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