You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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