barbara walters just said penis...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize