my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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