Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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