I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
