Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
