Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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