broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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