Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
