Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
