I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
