im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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