weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
