I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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