I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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