her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
