I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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