I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
