What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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