Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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