Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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