And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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