They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
