just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
