I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize