The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
