Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm going to jail i love you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
