I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
