is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
