please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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