nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
