Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
