Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
