lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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