Just fell off a train. Bad.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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