Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
