honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
