somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize