He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
