I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
