so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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