If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
