he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
