Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
