If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
