I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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