I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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