If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
