Can Purell be used as lube?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
