look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
