I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
