Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
