i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
