Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize