I am in a vortex of obligation.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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