im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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