we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
