dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
