So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
