I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
