I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
