You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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